Anger

Looking To Zion Lite
The Condensed Version for Super Busy Moms

I got angry.  Not the type of anger that blows over after a few hours to cool down, but the kind of anger that made me resemble Mount Vesuvius.  It made me question how I could be worthy of building Zion.  We all have our bad moments, and negative emotions poison us.  We are inundated by Satan’s efforts to destroy us – within our environment, by all of the things (conscious and unconscious) that influence us, and even through our imperfect bodies.

The well of negativity often times runs deep.  Escaping it won’t happen in a day, nor will it be an easy effort.  Change, no matter what the venue, requires patience and perseverance.  Just as Zion will not be built in a day, improving our lives will come one stone at a time.  Our journey to Zion will begin with one small step but, in order to endure the hardships of the road, we must keep the positive vision of where we are going at the forefront of our minds at all times.  I wholly believe that if we do this, the changes that we are so desperately seeking will subtly enter our lives without our conscious knowledge.  Imagine our surprise, when we look back over the long journey to realize just how far we walked?

We, each and every one of us, are all on the same path.  Our burdens are unique in detail, but alike in the challenge they present to us.  As we comfort one another, we begin to recognize that we are all of the same heart.  We yearn for the same things.  And when we recognize that our hearts are beating to the same rhythms, how long before our minds acknowledge that we’re thinking alike as well?

One step at a time.  One stone at a time.  One prayer at a time.  And, before you know it Zion will be built.
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Looking To Zion Not-So-Lite
(The “Everyone” Version)

A few weeks ago I had a monumentally bad day.  It was one of those once in a year bad days, where everything goes wrong and you are left holding nothing but ashes for all of your suffering.  For those reading that do not know me personally, I have a bad case of Fibromyalgia – or so my many doctors think.  The trial of functioning from day to day, amidst the constant and chronic agony and fatigue, is terrible.  Tack onto that the hormonal imbalance of a teenager, a precocious seven year old, and a toddler that has been savoring the Terrible Twos for the last six months…well, you can probably imagine that my patience.

I view my lot in life as challenging.  There are people out there who have it much worse than me, and I don’t want to give the impression that I’m complaining for my lot in life.  I am trying to set the stage though.  The day in question was probably the worst I’ve had in the last five years.  The tension had been building for some time, and I’m ashamed to say that my fuse lit all too easily.  When I erupted, it was like Mount Saint Helens.  The blast was big and the resulting fall out was just as bad.  I was hurt, and those I love were hurt as well.  When faced with the prospect of healing those wounds, I feared that they would be too deep.

Inevitably I looked in the mirror, metaphorically speaking, and I wondered just how I’m supposed to build a Zion in my heart and home when I’m so quick to anger?  How do we hope to lay a foundation of God’s city, when we cannot escape the weight and poison of negative emotions?  The truth is, we can’t.  Anger, depression, apathy, loneliness, feeling slighted, and a host of other negative feelings are all very self-centered in their origin and their focus.  After much thought and pondering, I’ve come to the conclusion that part of problem comes from environment, part of it comes from direct influence, and the lion’s share comes from this imperfect body that our spirits are stuck in.

The environmental factors are pretty straight forward.  If we live in a messy house, then chances are we aren’t going to feel good.  Part of it comes from the physical problems that such an environment introduces, but another aspect is that our spirits are naturally orderly.  There are many contributing factors to the environmental side of things – too many in fact to really discuss here.  Our physical surroundings do have an impact on how we judge and perceive the world, and those perceptions, in turn, influence how we feel.

Likewise, direct influence from outside sources separate from our physical environment will also have a severe impact on how we feel.  We are assaulted by so much negative information, whether it be from the news, the complaints of our family and co-workers, or even the adversary and his minions.  Satan’s media campaign against us is harsh and has a great deal of momentum.  It’s no wonder so many people suffer from depression and apathy!  What is there, out in the world today, uplifting enough to overshadow the noise that the devil and his band of miscreants are making?

Now toss in the Natural Man and the recipe for disaster is complete.  This imperfect body is constantly breaking down, gaining weight, or distracting us with all those silly urges.  We’re always having to take away from important things to feed it, and bathe it, and ensure it gets enough sleep.  Everything we experience, good or bad, is channeled through it.  And because of it, we invariably find ourselves thinking and feeling that we are the center of the universe.  We can’t help it.  It’s the nature of our body.

The problem with negative emotions is the “feedback loop” that forms once we start to feel them.  Ask any person that has dealt with serious depression, and they will tell you that they feel trapped.  A person who feels apathetic can’t seem to gather enough energy to care.  A person with anger issues can’t let go.  With any negative emotion, I feel it is safe to say that we become prisoners – slaves even – to those feelings.  So how do we build Zion in our hearts and homes, when we are so easily swayed and enslaved by negative emotion?
It takes little steps, and small realizations.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it?  Well, that’s the beauty of the gospel.  It is.

The first step is acknowledging that we are not the center of the universe.  Being the center of the universe carries with it a great deal of weight and responsibility.  The person at the center of the universe affects everything!  It’s their fault if it rains, and they are responsible for the long series of unfortunate events that happen to, not only themselves, but everyone else around them!  Trying to be the mortal center of the universe is like being a black hole.  It sucks.  Heavenly Father is the only being capable and empowered to fill that task.  When we realize that and let go, there will be a great weight lifted from our shoulders.

The second step is a bit harder.  It requires a great deal of self-discipline and acknowledgement.  Breaking habits is harsh.  Anyone who has struggled with addiction can testify to that.  Yet, once we’ve accepted that we are the only people that can change our situation, we can actually start to change our situation.  Our first desire is to shift the blame, because we don’t want ownership of the problem.  Why would we?  It’s making us miserable!  However, in taking ownership of the small (and sometimes not-so-small) things, we exert control over our situation.  When we exert control, we feel a boost of confidence; and confidence is a positive emotion.  The more positives we have in our life, the better our outlook will be.

This concept is not really new.  Nephi, the son of Lehi, taught it to us in his second book:

For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do. (2 Ne. 25:23)

We can’t do everything ourselves, and many of the solutions to our problems require outside intervention.  Yet that does not mean that we are absolved of responsibility and effort.  We must take ownership of what we can, and actively do our part to change those things that we are able.  Once we have, this is when God steps in and fills the rest of the gaps that we missed out on.  That’s when the miracle comes.

Those three fonts of negativity: our imperfect bodies, the incessant voices that influence us throughout our day, and our environment – each one of these can be influenced by us, in some small fashion, to affect change.  For those with clinical depression, it means acknowledging the problem, making an appointment with the appropriate specialist, and then getting into the car and keeping that appointment.  For those with strained relationships, it might be as simple as taking a deep breath and actively praying for the person that offended you.  For those trapped in an undesirable environment, making just one lasting improvement (no matter how small or insignificant) goes a long way.

The well of negativity often times runs deep.  Escaping it won’t happen in a day, nor will it be an easy effort.  Change, no matter what the venue, requires patience and perseverance.  Just as Zion will not be built in a day, improving our lives will come one stone at a time.  Our journey to Zion will begin with one small step but, in order to endure the hardships of the road, we must keep the positive vision of where we are going at the forefront of our minds at all times.  I wholly believe that if we do this, the changes that we are so desperately seeking will subtly enter our lives without our conscious knowledge.  Imagine our surprise, when we look back over the long journey to realize just how far we walked?
Imagine the joy!

So, how am I going to build Zion when I am so quick to anger?  I’m going to be just as quick to love.  I’ll find small moments to express compassion and understanding.  I’ll change the things about my environment that upset me, and I will actively choose to listen to positive and uplifting voices more often.  These small steps will eventually give me more patience.  And with more patience, I will be slower to react and more thoughtful in my actions.  Will I still get angry?  The obvious answer is yes.  But my hope is that the times between my anger will grow longer and more joyful, actively progressing towards the day when it vanishes altogether.

“…the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12: 26-27)

 I couldn’t say it any better.  I look forward to the day that my weaknesses become my strengths.  I look forward to the day that my broken body is made strong, or the day that my short temper becomes a deep well of compassion towards all men.  I look forward to the day that I express joy instead of feeling the pressing weight of depression all the time.  I hunger for the day when I can be a friend…instead of yearning for friendship.

We, each and every one of us, are all on the same path.  Our burdens are unique in detail, but alike in the challenge they present to us.  As we comfort one another, we begin to recognize that we are all of the same heart.  We yearn for the same things.  And when we recognize that our hearts are beating to the same rhythms, how long before our minds acknowledge that we’re thinking alike as well?

One step at a time.  One stone at a time.  One prayer at a time.

And, before you know it Zion will be built.  That’s how we build Zion when we feel angry, or depressed, or unjustly persecuted.  So here’s my first step, for both you and I.  I pray for a good week, filled with little moments of active improvement in our lives.  I pray for our visible success in overcoming all the negativity in our lives.  I’ll let you know how my prayer was answered next week.  Feel free to drop me a note and let me know how it went for you.

Until next week.
Jeffrey